tomorrow you're "gonna be one"

Tomorrow you're gonna be one. We've talked about it for so long now but I never thought the day would actually get here. Right now you're snuggling with me on the couch watching veggie tales because you woke up early and don't feel good. You have no idea how much I love these moments. You have no idea how great it feels to have your little body cuddled up with me because you need me.

When I first found out about you I was completely freaked out- I didn't know how to be a momma, but I already was one. I didn't know what to expect with the whole being pregnant thing. I didn't know how to deal with all the emotions that came with it, or the bed rest, or the actual having a baby thing.

I didn't know how much hearing your heartbeat for the first time would change my life so much. I didn't know that seeing a little black and gray alien on a computer screen could be so beautiful. I didn't know that I could ever get over my fear of needles enough to go in once a week and get my blood taken, I'm not that brave. I didn't know how scared I would be when they took me to the back room for an extra sonogram, just in case. I didn't know how to rely on Jesus fully. I didn't know what seeing your chubby cheeks on a sonogram picture would do to my heart. I didn't know how much I would hate pitocin. I didn't know how long it would take until you finally decided to meet us!!

I didn't know how seeing you for the first time would change all my didn't knows into all of a sudden knowing, just because of you....

I know you are perfect, and beautiful, and smart, and funny. And the list of adjectives could literally go on and on.

I know how much my own momma loves me. I know how much God loves me. I know he is teaching me what love is through you. I know that every second I get to spend with you makes my life so much better. I know that the entire first two weeks of your life I cried every night because you were getting too big. I know that when you smile I can't help but smile, even if it is 5 am and neither of us have slept. I know that time is going by way too fast. I know that having you somehow made me love daddy even more. I know that I can be pooped on without throwing up. I know that I could sit and play with you all day and not ever be bored. I know that I'm an overprotective mom. I know that I sing veggie tales in my head all day. I know that I can function (although I'm not so nice) with 3 hours of sleep. I know that I would gladly be sick for you, hurt for you, or cry for you times a thousand if it meant you wouldn't have to. I know that when you pat me, kiss me, or hug me you are learning about how to love, and that one day, you'll teach your babies the same thing. I know that one day you'll be big and won't let me hold you anymore. I know that one day you will rather hang out with your friends than with me. I know that when you get even older I'll get to be the friend that you want to hang out with. I know that thinking about you grow up scares me, but that it is going to be an exciting adventure.

I know, without a doubt, that you are one of the best things that has happened to me. This has been the best year of my life because of you.


I'm so glad I get to be your Momma. Love you bootiful. 

drugs make you look scary, like this...